I like using ellipsis 😀. Well if that was the only thing I am going to talk about today it'd be boring.
No today I'm going to talk about my friends and the difficulties I have with the concept of friendship. This will culminate in a two letter first name, surname list to help me count and so that I can be called out on it 😋.
Friendship is weird. The requirements for each person are fundamentally different and can fluctuate from one friend to the next. It's not as if there is one set rules per person that helps them identify their friends (if only). If we ignore my personal challenges related to romantic and platonic friendships for a moment and just look at my definition of a friend you will begin to see where mine differs from yours and potentially the subtleties that make mine strange even when compared to the majority of the population.
For me a friend is:
- Someone who I will not lie to when asked a direct question.
- Someone I will share my true thoughts and feelings with.
- A person whom I will endeavour to assist whenever possible, sometimes ignoring my own wellbeing in the process.
- A person whose emotions carry great impact on my own state of mind.
- Someone who I feel capable of reading at face value.
Note that it is immediately obvious from the list above that my friendships are not symbiotic relationships. To clarify, if someone does something massively thoughtful and helpful for me, that does not directly indicate their friendship. In some instances that has made me doubt their conviction and lose my ability to be open with them. It also does not rule out the situation of my friends truly despising me in fact when I go through this list there are a few people that meet all the criterion that I'm fairly confident do not like me anymore.
One thing that is clear is the interaction I have with people is the cornerstone of my friendships. If I don't have meaningful conversation with the person it'll start to fade. I assume that's a fairly common trend amongst humans but it needs stating clearly here.
That line is obvious to me. So I shall clarify for those that don't know me at all or for those who are just a little bit slow.
I have two types of friends and while I normally use those above the list as an example of those I struggle with the balance of romantic and platonic, here I will use another distinction... Those above the line will, in general, see me without any filter at all or are those that I will let it crumble around. Below the line I, in general, won't interact with while my defenses are lowered.
I shall say this in a light hearted manner to try diffuse the awkwardness that's likely to arise if certain people read this.
Those on the list are those I trust enough to be physically attracted to. Mostly women admittedly but there are a handful of guys on there.
(* Edit: I don't usually modify these once they are posted as it's a reflection of how I was feeling at the time. However I shall make an exception here. Those of you that might discover you are on the list and feel uncomfortable please know this... I will never act on these feelings unless I am certain that they are reciprocal. I'm the same old Liz. If you aren't certain then ask. I won't lie to you if you are on the list (though I might just avoid the topic) *)